It is said that when one draws closer to God, Satan pulls greater distractions, greater attempts to foil our plan to be with our Father of fathers. In just these past few days, I've been hitting one speed bump after another placed by the devil to thwart my progress to a greater place, to greater peace, to greater worship. Satan is doing his best to steal my bread crumbs and sour the wine. My energy level is dropping as a large, heavy rain comes down in a storm. As the energy is depleted so is the emotional, spiritual, mental state of mind. The rather short lived respite from what is leading to a greater possibility to be related to Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, has returned before I wanted it to. The 'relief' of medical consults and justifications of how I've felt for quite some time helps me to understand it, but it also makes it difficult to learn to live with things and cope with unexpected bad days. These are times my emotions seem to go up and down like a gigantic roller coaster at the huge 'get away' 'have some fun' type of distraction. The bread crumbs get trampled, eaten up by something, someone else. Constant phone calls concerning care coordination for my parents and for Clay, scheduling my own medical followups and new referrals, finding some me time outside of home with limited in home care for Clay.........I'm losing sight of my bread crumbs.........the devil is devouring a large portion of God's fuel for me. Some days it seems Satan has taken each and every little crumb of bread and sip of wine that God intended me to find and be nourished by. I despise the devil and his ploys. Lord, help me to cling to you and not give in to one who hates my love of my Father. I will always be his child and I will find ways to overcome the continual stumbling blocks that are thrown at me that tempt me to fall and forget how to get back up. I will always be hungry for bread and wine.
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Saturday, January 31, 2009
Finding Bread Crumbs
The last couple or so weeks of my life are difficult to find words to put description. These last years of physical, and I will fully admit...mental and emotional conflict have been antagonistic to say the least. Spiritually I've had low days and I've had high days. Yet I feel deep inside God is giving me bread crumbs to follow.....feeding me along the path. Perhaps I'm not so much Searching For Annette as I am now beginning to allow "Finding Annette"...... maybe I can rest and sip a little wine along the way also.... 'communing' with Jesus. Special ways for special needs....my own needs and not just every one else's I've enabled instead of empowered through the Holy Spirit living in me and in them also. So much, so many 'whisperings', so limited time and energies that I really need to listen how to work it all into and out of my day to day being. How to prioritize and yes, organize...I'm not too good at that ...I openly admit it... it overwhelms me sometimes the thoughts of organization, but I know the necessity of becoming better at that ~ with that. So much I want to do, to share, to offer......God give me direction in all those areas and more I'm not admitting to or realizing. Help me be ME.....a better reflection of YOU.......thanks for encouraging and keeping me sustained with bread and with wine. With you all things are becoming possible like never before......and so YOU lead me here just in this moment ~
Psalms 4
Answer me when I call to you, O my righteous God.
Give me relief from my distress; be merciful to me and hear my prayer.
How long, O men, will you turn my glory into shame?
How long will you love delusions and seek false gods?
Know that the LORD has set apart the godly for himself;
the LORD will hear when I call to him.
In your anger do not sin; when you are on your beds,
search your hearts and be silent.
Offer right sacrifices and trust in the LORD.
Many are asking, "Who can show us any good?"
Let the light of your face shine upon us, O LORD.
You have filled my heart with greater joy than when their grain and new wine abound.
I will lie down and sleep in peace, for you alone,
O LORD, make me dwell in safety.
Friday, January 30, 2009
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