"How could ~ why would he do that?"............................
He did not hear the inner voice telling him to hold on to the tiny thread that his pain - anger would work it's way from him with time. Only by God's grace did I hear the inner voice.........coming home confirmed it. I won't sugar coat that I nearly did the same thing, only it would have been a different means.........I had saved up meds. Turn my post pregnancy depression into post pregnancy psychosis......(three critical babies ~ four years; three job losses and out of state moves the same four ~five years)...Basically, I think he lost his mind during that particular event just prior........whatever that may have been. I've not heard what precipitated it /how it played out other than he shot himself...........his anger, his pain got the best of his rationalities and in a split moment, he pulled the trigger and it could not be replayed. I strongly believe that Jesus held him in those moments because I choose to believe that God is all forgiving and all loving. I do not believe Jerry will suffer in after life. He has completed his journey. Those of us who knew him are the ones to suffer the loss and the what ifs. It is what we take from it that will be our greater purpose that included Jerry's purpose. Compassion, love, acceptance, forgiveness....of self and others............just a few. Of course, these are Annette's perceptions; every one of us will have to wrestle with it and formulate their own perceptions. Different perceptions, different beliefs, different realities...........I am learning it is all part of our progress of living. Love you, always, Annette
