INFERTILE SOIL?

Infertile Soil? Today, May 19, 2007 is Clay's 22 birthday. Twenty-two years is quite a while to live considering how many times we were told that his survival would be short lived. Time after time, event after event, Clay would overcome what seemed to be the impossible. Even from his very first breaths outside of his fluid filled, safe environment of my womb, he had to struggle. Those very first breaths that ruptured his lung........that stole happy, excited moments from all of us. From being wheeled in my recovery bed halfway into a tiny room in Boulder, Colorado, where he struggled and staff feared his death so imminent that I was on public display, during visiting hours that overflowed with flowers, balloons, brightly wrapped presents, and excited faces that passed around me. I looked at those particular series of photographs.....seems like such a life time ago, yet memories can prevail and I can find myself right back in that very setting and the sorrows that came with it. Twenty-two years have passed..........will still survive, yet obviously it has passed with negative impact as well as the more welcomed positive outcomes. Clay possesses a jubilant spirit.......a limitless attitude.........a forever smile and bright, mischievous eyes. (Looking at him today in the bright sunshine, he now has widespread, chaotic facial hair........it is so difficult to keep him 'clean shaven' and it darkens and thickens more quickly than I would like to keep up with it.) The last few nights have once again brought 'growing pains'. Severe muscle spasms that hit spontaneously as he shifts his sleeping position. Spasms that do not want to relax as he can so quickly flex back into rigidity. Yet, more times than not, he bounces back with that winning personality and wit.........(this is often not the case with either parent!).......it is a warped wit, but keen and active I believe 24 hours a day. I often wonder what he dreams about. Several weeks ago I planted a large 'batch' of flower seeds that a dear friend had given me. I had worked the ground, pulled the weeds, turned over the mixture of soil components. I spread the seeds, watered and have waited with anticipation the little shows of green that should have arrived by this time. Day after day, I have gone out and felt disappointment that it simply looked the same as the day before.........better than it looked before I made the effort to 'clean' it up and enrich it, but not the progress I had hoped for. So I ponder, is my soil infertile or are my seeds sterile? Perhaps it is a combination of both trying to steal my joy of accomplishment. Joy of watching green shoots grow and develop into blossoms of changing colors. Joy of anticipating the butterflies and the hummingbirds that 'could' enjoy a visit and receive a sweet, and hopeful, abundant supply of tasty, plentiful nectar. So, I suppose I will start almost all over again. I will reseed and water accordingly. Perhaps the 'spring' will decide to stick around and the ground can warm without unexpected chills. Perhaps, Perhaps, Perhaps! Truthfully, a few hours ago, I began to think that I, in a very personal manner, have experienced much infertile soil. I know that I have planted seeds for more than the twenty-two years that have had the greatest impact upon my life and my spirit. I know of some that sprouted, grew and matured to beautiful harvest..........yet, it seems like many perished and ~ or failed to thrive. To be completely honest, I want and need to harvest. I desire to feel successful at planting. I hope my seeds to be the purest quality. I want my soil to be nurturing and rewarding. I want.......I want.........I want!!! After all, how long are some of these seeds suppose to germinate?! Then this little glimmer of knowledge begins to permeate my self-loathing. "Annette, we all sometimes feel our planting is in vain. Sometimes we feel our planting is self-serving and deserved. Sometimes we all feel our storms just keep ripping away the sunshine. Remember I promised the rainbow. How could you truly experience the bliss if you had not weathered the turbulent storm?" So, in writing, I hope I have reassured my impatient soul that a harvest is waiting. I hope that reading this, your hearts might be reassured with a glint of new hope. That in sharing and living, we build one another up. That when we plant together, our harvests are more than abundant..........they are eternal. With much love, Hershey kisses, and many hugs to all of you who help me plant and give me the 'fertilizer' (and I am not merely hinting MANURE!) I need at just the right moments................... Annette ~ 5-19-2007 at 9:30 PM

Hanging Around in My Garden ~

My last tulip, birthed May 19, 1985....photo taken January 23...Physical Therapist, Sharon Adams......gee he is thinking what great fortune.....not every guy can hang around with such a beautiful woman!

Tending to Fragile Flowers

Tending tulips........in connection to Welcome to Holland for those of us who have made the unplanned, sudden trip but landed safely despite confused hearts.....I think of the different colors, different shapes, different classifications as the different 'challenges' each tulip presents and triumphs over. The different classifications of special needs families.....we all grow in God's garden. Some require more attention and care than others, some are more sensitive to our environments and the unpredicted, often stormy weather; but we are all equal and blooming in a spectacular garden, equal in His eyes. Thank you Lord for changing my destinations... detours from what I had planned all three birthing experiences...I've been a grumbling traveler, a tired passenger; I'm understanding more fully how much color it has painted into my life. My canvas is growing and the work of Thy hands is spectacular! Masterpieces in the making all by God's merciful plan and purpose. AMEN!

Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Share with God's people who are in need. Practice hospitality.

from the 12th chapter of Romans