family hoe down

Star in Your Own JibJab! It's Free!Obviously, you should know Fred and me.........the other two are my sister Laura and my oldest brother Larry........told you we are a strange family!

my sister in law has too much time on her hands!

Star in Your Own JibJab! It's Free!okay, this will lighten up my too serious side..........

A Friday Moment

So, here it is another Friday which means another week has flown by. My parents always warned me that one day time would fly.........did not believe them for so long, but now I totally get it. Yesterday I decided it was time for me to clear out my kitchen drawers. The things I found were interesting. Most interesting were all the baby bottle nipples I had saved over the years from the days I did child care here at home. They sure added clutter to my drawer space along with some other things such as broken turkey basters, lids to toddler cups, and an array of ancient items from early marriage days.............why do we hold onto things so........at least I tend to more than I should. So everything has been washed anew, drawers vacuumed out, and reorganization has begun. Now I need to do the cabinets..........how old are some of those things I never used? I will be very honest and admit that I have never been a great organizer..........I would much rather be watching the assortment of birds that visit my bird bath. I would much rather do anything than organize and clean............I have numerous friends who are totally opposite of my trait, and I have asked them to rub off on me...........horrified that they would offer to assist me instead...........talk about them finding out things about me that I am not proud of! But anyway, I will try to maintain the motivation and do fall cleaning rather than the normal spring cleaning. I just always find other things to do..........or not to do in this case. Brandon came home last night and of course bouncing in was our four legged grandson.....a mixed breed named Raleigh. Our long standing cats, Kleckley and Gracie are always happy when Brandon returns to Charlotte. Fred and I managed a lunch date today as he is trying to get his work hours accomplished Monday through Thursdays now. That leaves us a few hours on Fridays to spend together when Clay's caregiver, Patricia is here. The excitement was going to Lowe's and Home Depot and purchasing some insecticidal soap for my plants that I will need to soon relocate inside and finally found a rectangular ceramic planter for my ET fern to have room to grow in. Just got it potted and prayed over it to take off with fresh additional soil for nurture. It has been a beautiful fern. My Foxtail Fern, a surprise gift from Fred in the spring, has done remarkably well and I am pondering how best to bring it inside when the air (if it ever really decides to change) will turn cooler. Two Boston Ferns I overwintered last year have been very pretty, but bringing them in means leaf drop off that I don't really want to keep up with so hopefully I will be able to shelter them adequately on the carport again this year.............last year they sat outside in Brandon's old large aquarium and it worked very well...........he reclaimed it and now it is in Charlotte with him.........not sure if or what he might have in it. A Button Fern is thriving and growing and they all give me such pleasure. Two different types of Ivy are invading our 'sun' room and a Scheffelera(sp?) is huge.............one of two potted plants I was given by the husband of my best friend when she unexpectedly died of a brain aneurysm a couple of years ago. He said for sure he would kill them, and I take great comfort in being reminded of Debbie especially when I am watering and rotating these plants. Not sure where things will get shuffled around for Christmas and all that comes with it. Can it really be this close already? There will be so much to do! So I have taken my break, brought my re-potted fern and a starter of something called a Mules Ear inside and now I need to get back to that kitchen project....................of course, I would rather be here.

Question of Ego.........

Life is so very complex. My mind is always playing tricks on me. I sit at this computer screen and attempt to express myself in a manner that can almost be anonymous in nature. I write and hit a send button..........why do I do this, I often ask myself. Why do you think you can write and send to so many names? Sometimes I feel conflicted after sending words out to Electronic Space. Yet I receive positive responses to my rambles and those are the immediate 'rewards' that I search so desperately for. Why is it then that a human mind can make a u turn and be apprehensive about lovingly accepting those responses when in the back of my mind, "Oh, you are getting too proud of yourself" begins to kick in and steals my attempted humility.........How do we know for sure we receive things in the humble manner? Why is it so difficult to hear and then allow ourselves the comprehension that yes, indeed, we matter to others in ways we could never matter to ourselves? Life is indeed very complex.........I hope I can learn to live it more fully.

Going Around and Living Within Circles

Going Around and Living Within Circles

It has been one of those weeks that frequent along that I feel all I do lately is go around and around in circles. If I were a dog I am sure I would just be a twirling furry blob over and over again, trying to catch up with my tail. I plan to get things done, I attempt to get things done, and it always seems to just come right back to the starting point. These are the times my attempted optimism seems to fall well short of my hopeful expectations. Why do we set ourselves up so often? I think sometimes that what I do makes a difference, but not the degree of difference I wish I could make. I set my heart to dreaming in unrealistic manners and then I ponder who am I to think that images and conversations in my mind are intended for fruition? Why is it so hard for a longstanding stay at home mama to feel significant? I want more in my life, but I seem forever stuck in the middle of the same chapter over and over again. I want to feel some reasonable success with something, but it is these kinds of weeks, I do not even know what success, if any, is meant for me. I am in the midst of a pity party I know. Hormones can do that to us. Realities and same old same olds catch up to us. I want to experience some type of satisfaction in myself that assures me of worthy contribution. I want to bring love and joy to others that I find hard to find in myself consistently. I want to feel that I can be more than I have been, but why does that seem so difficult when I stand in one spot, turning around and around in circles, exhausting myself emotionally and physically, and not seeing evidence of differences. There are so many things I wish I could do and solve around me, yet I seem not to do nor solve. I get older day by day and those days come much more rapidly than ever before. When I close my eyes for the last time, will my life summary be just a boring repeat after repeat of running within circles and never finding the open passage leading to excitement, spontaneity, achievement to leave / put into place for others in some small legacy? Will / can I ever make the kind of difference I sincerely desire for the benefit of others along the path, present and future? Will I ever in some way, find means to alleviate financial burdens that always fall upon Fred? This can really make a girl feel insignificant...and heavy as an ugly piece of broken concrete.........my own feelings of inadequacy more than anyone else feeling that way towards me. Will I ever feel like a normal individual fully capable of crossing the marathon line? My marathon seems to keep increasing in duration and truth be told that scares me..........a lot. Then I will dry my eyes, force a normal countenance, and hope that spilling the beans in written form will quiet my overly occupied and critical mind. To attempt to empty the brain so that I can allow myself restorative sleep on occasion. I try to be honest and vulnerable when I attempt to express my hurts, my insecurities, my disappointments, my hopes, my well intentioned follow-ups and scattered writings. More than anything, I want to feel authentic to others. Maybe I will or will not achieve 'societal approvals and whatever societal success' I keep feeling is absent much of the time. But maybe, just maybe, God needs me to be authentic to Him more than to anyone else, and though this too is often very difficult, He is always with us and knows all of us intimately, lovingly, and unconditionally. We cannot hide any of ourselves from God so why do we think we can try pulling off ourselves as frauds? I pray that I do not let him down and that occasionally I just might lift him up.

So those are my late night rambling thoughts.........negative and positive. I really need to own the positive and learn to let go my negatives...........it isn't easy for me, and I am supposing the same struggle pursues for those who try to comprehend willingly my babbling conscious state of expressions. Love and hugs, Annette Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Heart's Journey

I had forgotten this poem but found it unexpectedly published on a site I had visited a previous year. I post it in hopes that some of you will enjoy.......love and hugs, Annette

Heart's Journey

When I knew no better, I would question God.

Difficult times when it seemed my life did trod.

Moments of heartache and loss often took from me,

Little broken pieces of my heart snatched from God you see.

A little bit here, a little bit there,

Times of sadness and times of despair.

Why God do you take from me so?

My heart is breaking from so many blows!

These were times I did not truly know Him,

It took disappointments, each and every one of them,

Before I knew Him as I do now,

I had to learn; be shown how,

To respect, to trust, and find ways to bow.

Once I gave myself totally over to Him,

My cup began to overflow the brim.

The little pieces of my heart He had taken from me,

Were now patched and stitched back together you see.

The lesson I learned was that He had not taken from me,

Things that I held onto so selfishly.

Once I learned to give Him the pieces of my heart,

That is when my true journey began to start.

A journey of willingly giving the broken pieces when they form,

Instead of feeling He had stolen them during my storms.

I give them to Him, each and every one,

He mends them and heals the mess I have done.

Now it seems the more I give Him, the better I become,

The total of my losses immeasurable to what I have atoned.

He takes little pieces to mend before I even notice,

My heart grows larger and no longer feels amiss.

It is in giving away the pieces of our hearts,

That God brings grace; His love imparts.

The now familiar journey of my heart,

Was the seed of faith from the start.

And so my prayer for you would be,

That your heart be filled with love for Thee.

Give yourself over to Him, you see,

God will hold you safely on your heart's journey.

Annette Monts Falls, words given January 9, 2005

I am blog dumb

I am trying to figure this thing out...........how brain dead can I be?