In The Potter's Hands

2-4-2005

In The Potter's Hands

Perhaps the Excedrin headache medicine I took woke me up rather than helping me fall asleep.........caffeine! Headache is gone but I am wide awake at now 1:30 AM. Words and thoughts started to spin in my mind as I imagine a lump, shapeless mound of clay spinning on a potter's wheel. I suppose we will find out together how it takes shape as so many other times. I often marvel that God gave me a son who was instinctively named Clay. It just always seemed the right name even before we knew for certain that a third baby boy would enter our world. Another odd coincidence is that Fred's maternal grandfather was also named Clayton........he died when Fred's mom was only a very small child. This was not a conscientious decision, but again, God must have had His hands upon the spinning wheel. When Clay came, I was the one in immediate danger.........being the third baby I wanted this one to be especially healthy as most of you know the history of Taylor and Brandon. I was at 36 weeks and Clay was a large baby. At birth he was 6 pounds and 15 ounces........a month early! Unfortunately, because I had tried my best to have a big, healthy baby, my uterus was ready to literally explode. On the day of Clay's birth, I awoke to terrible pains but kept them well hidden as I did not want to give up this baby to delivery any time before due date. However, God took care of me in an amazing way. He made me think something was wrong with Clay. Usually, very actively kicking, he quit moving inside of me for a long period of time regardless my efforts to prompt him to stir. I became desperately afraid that something was wrong with him and told Fred we needed to go to the hospital, that I could not make Clay move. Upon arriving about ten minutes later at Boulder Community Hospital in Boulder, Colorado, Clay began to kick as soon as we pulled into a parking space. We wanted to be sure he was okay so we went straight to labor and delivery. The monitors were strapped on and everything seemed fine.......good kicks, good fetal heart rate. However, upon my physical exam I could no longer hide the immense pain I was experiencing. Despite my fears about another 36 week delivery, my doctors rushed me into my third emergency C-section as they feared I was beginning to rupture. Moments later they confirmed that indeed had we not come in when we did, I would have likely ruptured and Fred would very possibly have lost both mother and baby during the process. For this delivery, Fred was finally able to be with me, holding my hand, sitting beside my face and comforting me with excitement and nervous anticipation. The spinal went well for a change and they had told us not to worry about the baby because he was big and should be very healthy. However, most of you know there was much more to the story. For some unexpected, unexplainable reason, Clay's lung tore after birth. This began a huge series of events that would be catastrophic to us all. Long story short, he was transported with much difficulty by a skilled neonatal transport team from and to Denver Children's Hospital. He was not expected to survive. Many times he would 'die' and be resuscitated, but all these cumulative episodes of inadequate oxygen took a toll on Clay's physical body. This is the reason Clay has Cerebral Palsy; so many different insults to his brain. We are very blessed and very lucky that these insufficiencies did not cause mental retardation.........it has only affected his motor skills and not his mentality nor intellectual status. While he is severely limited, Clay is an extremely jubilant spirit when he is well. Even this week with the flu and 103 temps, he can still rally a big full faced grin. Such is this incredible child of God. It took years for me to realize the significance of Clay in our family and in everyone's lives. Up until about age six, he viewed me as a pain inflictor........I had to do so many 'nursing' type duties to try to keep him well. He did not trust me, let alone call me mama. It took years! On a cross stitch I did for him of Heaven's Special Child with his birth info, it is signed, charted and stitched by Annette. Strange now, but instrumental in how far we have come. I was thinking earlier about how God had brought us home to SC after so much heartbreak and devastation over a five year time frame away from our families. At the time we were coming physically home; however now I know He brought us 'spiritually' home as well and maybe much more importantly. God has healed deep wounds during our almost nineteen years back in SC. Was it coincidence that we buried Taylor in the St Thomas Lutheran Cemetery in June, 1981? We never imagined we could come back here to live with Fred being a geologist, even after three significant job layoffs while we were out 'west'. After so many out of state moves, it amazes me that we have been 'put' for nearly nineteen years in one state and more than ten years at this address! God is so good! It has been during these years, especially the last few, that we are beginning to understand the significance of truly being in the Potter's hands. Not just Clay, but all of us including you and your families and friends. He is continuing to mold all of us to His specifications in a land of clay soil even. Several friends and spiritual advisors have all mentioned that there is a deep feeling that this very community is going to be a great revival area in the coming months and years. I realized a little while ago the connection we have to a clay land...........we should all be willing to let the Lord shape us as He wills. The clay soil is deep inside of us who have grown up in this community. I think what God has asked me to write about is that we all need reminders that He is the ultimate, expert potter. Even though the spinning wheel seems to falter and go out of control sometimes, even often!, He is still the one at the wheel, forming and shaping each and everyone of us until He is satisfied with what we have become. I realize we are never completely finished but that we should aspire to become vessels of beauty and glory to Him. We all have cracks! Some of us are even flawed with very big, noticeable imperfections. Still, God sees us as His masterpieces, shaped and molded just as He decides most appropriate to fulfill our covenants with Him. It is not always pretty to be spinning out of control on the potter's wheel. However, if we just allow ourselves to stay 'stuck' He will finish His work in all of us. Some of us need more refining and finishing, and some of us are almost ready to begin the polishing....Clay! I am grateful to be in His hands! I hope I do not easily discourage when He slings more mud upon me, but anticipate fully the new shape and beautiful vessel that He is forming in me. Much love and many hugs, Annette Though we are only bits of clay, when we reverence who he is versus who we are, he can remold us into vessels full of his power. 2 Corinthians, 4:7 Yet, O Lord, you are our Father. We are the clay, you are the potter; we are all the work of your hand. Isaiah 64: 8 Like clay in the hand of the potter, so are you in my hand. Jeremiah 18:6